A Modest Proposal for Securing Our Southern Border, Increasing National Prosperity, Intimidating Our Enemies, and Restoring Our Country’s Standing in the World


For far too long we have stood idly by and watched increasing hordes of illegals cross our nation’s southern border with impunity.  Of late, unaccompanied children in the thousands have imitated their elders and followed them into our country. This has dramatically increased the economic burden taxpayers bear to house, clothe, feed, provide healthcare, and educate these children who are properly the responsibility of their own lands.

Emboldened by our vacillating policy toward unwanted and illegal entrants, our nation’s enemies have taken heart.  For if we cannot muster the will to stem this tide overflowing our border, how will we summon the courage to contend with those who wish our destruction?

The rest of the world watches our inability to defend our nation with rapidly diminishing respect. Our allies increasingly question our capacity to come to their aid if we so clearly cannot protect ourselves. Aggressor nations with a desire to expand their spheres of influence, as we have already seen, do not restrain themselves, observing our flaccid response. The world in general has come to regard us with a contempt we have richly earned by inaction.

The machine guns would have overlapping fields of fire such that any person approaching would be instantly struck.

But it is within our power to reverse this downward course, to stop the 600,000 aliens a year that illegally fade into our countryside, to restore our weakened prosperity, confound our enemies, and once again merit the respect of other nations. All of this is possible if only we can strengthen our resolve to protect our country’s southern border.

These considerations lead me to advance this modest proposal, which I assure you will not fail to produce the results our country so desperately wants. We have only to summon the resolve to undertake these modest measures.

My proposal is simplicity itself. Only two things need be done: first, place a dense minefield along our southern border. Large signs in several languages would warn of its existence, thus deterring entry. Second, behind the minefield, install unmanned, motion sensor activated .50 caliber machine gun emplacements to deal with any illegal entrants who have managed to thread their way through the mines. The machine guns would have overlapping fields of fire such that any person approaching would be instantly struck. Those injured, but not killed outright, would soon perish in the desert heat or night cold. These guns would be remotely monitored to assure their uninterrupted functioning.  Periodic maintenance and new ammunition would require minimal human intervention.

The initial expenditure would be small in comparison to the costs already imposed, and growing, due to illegal immigration. Further substantial savings would come from the elimination of border guards, fences, surveillance equipment, detention centers, immigration judges, court and repatriation costs. They would no longer be needed.

The bodies of the fallen would not be removed, but would serve as solemn warning to others not to approach our border. This rampart of rotting corpses would thus become our nation’s strongest defense against illegal immigration.

To those who may say this is cruel and inhuman, especially when children are involved, I would answer that on the contrary, it is the epitome of an enlightened, humane and just policy.  

Substantial savings would come from the elimination of border guards, fences, surveillance equipment, detention centers, immigration judges, court and repatriation costs.

Enlightened, because it accomplishes the goals for our country set out above.  In addition, it restores dignity to labor. It offers renewed hope to our citizens who have had the privilege of manual and menial labor taken from them by the illegals who have flooded our stoop labor fields, restaurants, hotels, and lawn services. It also compels those nations sending these illegals to improve lagging physical and economic security at home. Thus, it removes the causes that lead illegals to travel thousands of miles under unspeakable conditions to reach the safe haven of our nation.                                                                                                                      

Humane, because it dramatically demonstrates to those considering coming here that the arduous trek would be pointless, saving lives that would otherwise be lost on the journey.  More than that, it strengthens parents’ love for their children by impelling them to struggle harder for better conditions in their own countries, rather than send their small loved ones on a journey north that too often has ended in death, and would certainly do so under my proposal.

Just, because it assures legal immigrants who have patiently waited endless years for their visas that they will not see illegals leap ahead of them. Amnesty for illegals who have violated our country’s border laws cannot, and must not, be considered. To do so would throw our entire legal system into question, undermining the rule of law that has governed us and made us great.  Also, it would dispense with the vigilantes who have patriotically stood ready to apprehend illegals.

National crises, and illegal immigration is certainly such a crisis, require new and unconventional responses. This proposal would not only protect our southern border from illegal entrants, but would, I firmly believe, lead to wiser policies, both domestic and foreign.  

Although the richest, most militarily powerful nation the world has ever seen, too often we have become paralyzed by outmoded ideas of morality. These antique, self-imposed constraints have made us appear ineffectual and helpless to the delight of our enemies and the consternation of our friends.                                                                                                          

Now is the time to turn away from the misguided, downward course we have been following and set our country on a bolder, upward path that leads back to that shining city on a hill.  

I make this proposal solely in the interests of our nation and its citizens, and out of genuine concern for immigrants, illegal and legal. And I assure you that I have no personal investment in the companies that will produce the weaponry needed to implement it.


USA News


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