7. The middle class
8. Black people
10. George Soros
12. The blogosphere
15. Illegal immigrants
16. Legal immigrants
21. The Clintons
23. The judiciary
25. Consumer advocacy groups
29. Comedians (Not funny comedians!)
30. Gays and lesbians
32. The big cities of America
33. The small cities of Americans
34. Other conservatives (RINOs)
37. Nancy Pelosi
39. The “deep state”
41. 18-29 year olds
43. Hispanic Americans
44. The gutted small towns of America
47. The AARP
48. Public radio
50. Al Gore
52. Colin Powell
53. Retired generals
54. NASA (which apparently is running a conservative child slave colony Mars)
55. Michael Moore
57. The federal reserve
59. Public school students
60. Topless sunbathers and their fans in Australia
And these are just a few.
What to do?
With all of these enemies, it’s surprising that conservatives ever make it through the day. Can you understand now why they need so many guns?
These attacks are a threat to our freedom: conservatives are not allowed to be conservatives (whatever this means any more). Regardless, it has never been clearer that conservatives must defend themselves from these relentless attacks.
In order to fight back against all of these people who clearly hate conservatives, conservatives should tune in constantly to conservative media. Otherwise, they will never be able to figure out all of their enemies.
A few other suggestions:
- Point out that you are under attack constantly by using all of the media outlets you own
- Demonize attackers as “radicals” and “fringe” elements
- Generate outrage against these attackers to justify using any means necessary to fight them (eventually maybe they can be imprisoned!)
- Buy the government
- Set up your own “scientific” studies
- Fund think tanks to generate propaganda against these attackers
- Constantly monitor the media for anything that isn’t the latest conservatism, and purge wherever possible
- Scan all textbooks for anti-conservative thought
- Eliminate public schools
- Defund universities that don’t toe the line
- Wage war against the arts, as these people are worthless and don’t really work
- Get rid of any media outlets that aren’t owned by big businesses and allow media consolidation so it is easier to air propaganda
- Promote based on loyalty to the conservative movement rather than qualifications
- Destroy the middle class
The only other action possible is for conservatives to turn off conservative media—and then maybe they won’t feel so threatened.
As a fan of conservative talk radio though, I would urge against this action because without listening to conservative talk radio, we might not know who to properly scapegoat. We might all seem like people who are pretty similar to conservatives, instead of their enemies.
David Akadjian is the author of The Little Book of Revolution: A Distributive Strategy for Democracy (print or ebook).